Clomid Hell

You do WHAT to get pregnant?

Having children was not an easy process for me.  I have a hard time comprehending that couples actually have SEX to get pregnant.  The entire concept is just mind blowing.  Let’s face it – there was no wham bam thank you ma’am the baby is on its way for me! Over the years, I have been extremely open about my struggles with infertility.  I figured if I was going through this, then there might be others who could benefit from my experience.  Part of the reason I created this site is for me to share my struggles with infertility and then the real life struggles of raising kids. It’s basically the things people DO NOT tell you after the excitement of the positive pregnancy test.

In the Beginning

My husband and I met on July 1, 2004. We hit it off immediately! All of his friends told me that he loved me but they doubted he would ever get married again. He said differently. But after 2 years of dating, I broke up with him. I just felt like we were not on the same page when it came to long term. We ended up getting back together and were married on our 3rd dating anniversary.

I was 37 when we married. Not ancient, but not that young either.  We had been together for three years so starting a family right away was the plan. Nothing happened.  My cycles were flowing like clockwork.  Clockwork.  Yes, darn clockwork.  I could almost pinpoint to the hour when my cycle would start.  I did some research and everything I read said go see your doctor after six months of trying. So I did.

Clomid Hell

I had a new OB/GYN who I shared my concerns with not getting pregnant. Instead of doing any tests, she suggested age was probably a factor and we should kick start my ovaries. She and had me try Clomid (an ovulatory stimulating drug) followed my progesterone pills.  The Clomid would get my ovaries to product eggs, do a little bom chicka bom bom, then the progesterone was to help an embryo “stick” if it fertilized.

In my novice experience with hormone type drugs, I was not the least prepared for what I was about to experience. I took the Clomid and at one point thought I was burning from the inside followed by sweating profusely. Obviously, I had no idea what a hot flash felt like! The next minute I felt like I was about to throw up. This is what I refer to as my preview to morning sickness. Overall, I just felt a little off but nothing I could not handle. I had a goal in mind.

Next came the progesterone pills. If you say that word around the hubs, I think he might cower in fright. I can admit it, I was horrible to be around.  Like raging crazy bitch horrible! It is during this hormonal rage is when we are supposed to “try”. RIGHT! That is exactly what I wanted to do when I felt like a crazy person. Now, my husband did not help matters.  Instead of realizing it was the hormones making me nuts, he fought back.  It was so bad one night, I left him at a restaurant and went to my office to figure out how to get out of this marriage.  That is not the result we needed when we wanted to start a family.  Needless to say, month 1 was an epic failure.

The second month of this hell, we had a game plan. I took the Clomid at the designated time, did the “trying”, and during the progesterone pill phase (we started referring to them the evil pills) the hubs went out of town! At least he did not have to be around me when the entire hormonal rage! This month seemed to be looking up.

Devistating False Positive

I took a pregnancy test on the designated day and it said “pregnant”.  WHAT???!!! I was stunned, thrilled, and overjoyed!  I called my sister when I saw pregnant. She had to pull over because we had such tears of joy! I had a euphoria I had never experienced. I called my doctor with the news.

First thing she had me do was to go take a blood test to confirm. It came back negative.  Not just negative, but the “Girl, there is no way in hell are you are pregnant” type negative.  Coming to find out, I took a digital test and it was defective.  The “NOT” of the not pregnant just didn’t show up.  I am pretty sure I burned that test stick.

The Fertility Tests Begin

Instead of doing a third month of this torture, my doctor and I decided to go ahead and start fertility testing. My first step was to see was to see if my fallopian tubes were blocked. Oh, now that was a fun day <insert rolling of my eyes here>.  Every procedure I have ever had I was told not to eat beforehand so I went with that notion. My appointment was around 1:00 pm. I had my husband drop me off and asked him to go get me a sandwich for after.  I go in, get my little paper robe on and the nurses came in and told me what to expect.  What this test does is shoot dye through your fallopian tubes and have it travel out through your uterus.  They will take pictures of the dye moving through and see if there are some issues there.  Sounds like fun, right? 

Most women only feel a mild discomfort when having this procedure done.  Not me!  It hurt so bad that I passed out.  I woke up to the doctor yelling in my face “What is your name?  Do you know where you are?”  They called a code something and had the crash cart coming in to revive me.  Coming to find out they thought I had an allergic reaction to the dye.  That was not the case.  I had two seriously blocked fallopian tubes and it just flat out hurt. 

I have tears rolling down my face because this was something that I had hoped not to hear.  I was embarrassed that I passed out and I was hungry!  I go back to the prep room and get dressed.  They had to wheelchair me out into the waiting room where my husband showed up.  His eyes were wide as saucers when they wheeled me out. When he last saw me, I was well groomed. An hour later, I looked like I had been through hell.  Hair all over the place, pale as a ghost, and black mascara smudges all down my face.  This was before I was introduced to my Younique mascara of course.   And to top it off this horrible adventure, my husband did not bring me a sandwich. 

After this wonderful day, I knew it was time for the big guns.  I was referred to a Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility specialist. This is where the real adventure begins.

Stay tuned…….